Bisou

Bisou.

It’s one of my favourite new little French word. It’s a familiar word meaning “kiss”, and I hear other Moms and Dads using it when they kiss their children good-bye for the day. I now use it too. To me it sounds light, cheery, and sweet; a word perfectly suited for a few quick pecks on your daughter’s cheek before she runs off into the school courtyard.

But, as we all know, all kisses are not created equal! Barry and I are both experiencing some slight kissing culture anxiety. As you probably know, the French greet each other with kisses on the cheeks; three, in fact, in this area. Although I’ve always considered myself pretty relaxed with the touchy-feely stuff, it does feel a little different to greet people in this way when you still don’t know them really well. Yet, at the same time it is warm and friendly.

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting any “bisous” until much later in our stay, if at all. And although not yet frequent, they have begun, and to my surprise, for us it is easier observed than done! The French make it look natural and graceful, but getting it just right is taking these two Canadians some practice. So, let me share with you what I’ve learned to date.

1) When I received my very first cultural “bisous”, I was sitting down and the lady bent down slightly to reach my cheeks. For some strange reason I automatically wrapped my arms around her. As soon as I felt my arms go up I knew it was oh so wrong. But, it was over quick and I learnt my lesson. Let me be clear: the cultural kiss in France does not involve a big ol’ bear hug.

2) Bisou Take 2. A week later I ran into someone who had been most helpful with us the first day of school. As I realized we were going to greet with kisses, I had to conscientiously concentrate to keep my arms down, but succeeded. Hurdle number 1 cleared. However, stifling the hug allowed me to focus on the actual kissing and I over did it, planting real, full-on kisses on her cheeks. This is also how it shouldn’t be done. I believe there should not actually be any contact with the lips. Now, Barry has the opposite problem, he keeps his face far enough away so there is no contact at all and compensates by just making a louder than normal smacking sound in the vicinity of the other’s ear. Upon trying his technique out on me, I ended up with an instant headache. I suggest the right technique is somewhere in the middle; light cheek to cheek contact and a delicate kissing sound.

3) Also, one must remember to start on the proper side and to stick it out for all 3 kisses. Yesterday morning we ran into a lovely mother of one of Grace’s classmates who had us over to her house several weeks ago. Voila! Time for “des bisous”. Perhaps because we were just in Alsace where they were only kissing twice, I left her high and dry on the third kiss - not so graceful.

Then it was Barry’s turn. Barry, in his words, “panicked” and committed to the wrong side - not so natural. Of course this lady, being a practised professional, compensated with “a head fake” (again, Barry’s own words) and avoided full on lip connection. One of Barry’s profs said that as a beginner you’ve got to keep on your toes and be prepared for the first kiss on either side. Evidently, easier said than done!

Of course, everyone here well knows that we come from the land of the handshake and that we’re “bisou” rookies, so our fumbles have been graciously overlooked. And, we do so much appreciate them making us feel welcomed and just a wee bit French.

Conclusion for these canucks: more practice needed.